A dependent. That is what the Army calls me. I have never liked that term, in fact I hate it! I find the term degrading and considering what Army wives handle and overcome on a daily basis I think the term is by no means an accurate description. Family member would be a much more appropriate and less condecending way to refer to me as a beneficiary.
The Army has come a long way in its acceptance of 'dependents.' The old adage, "if the Army wanted you to have a wife they would have issued one," no longer rings true and now they have many programs such as the Army Family Covenant that are designed to ensure that family members are guaranteed a certain level of mutual support from the Department of the Army. Millions and millions of dollars each year are spent to ensure that Army families are taken care of. As a whole I am incredibly grateful for the strides that have been made to support, assist and guide the Army spouse during this incredibly intense wartime Army. Programs such as MWR (Morale,Welfare, and Recreation), ACS (Army Community Services), MFLC (Military Family Life Consultants), and additional Chaplain services are all created and funded to include supporting the Army family. There are many, many great benefits that a military famiy has the opportunity to take advantage of, the list could seriously go on and on but for expediancy sake just trust me.
All of these programs are great and as I have already stated onn a personal level I am grateful. At a "Pre-Deployment" briefing the other night a CYSS (Child and Youth Services, I don't know what the last S is for) representative came to speak to us and detail the additional benefits that family members receive while their Soldier is deployed. On a whole, it was a nice, informative briefing. The representative said one thing however, that I just whole heartedly do not agree with and hearing people say such a thing just irks me to no avail! She was mentioning how important it is to have your children registered with CYSS, even if you don't intend to use it, so that in the case of an emergency they would have the possibility to help out. She then went on to say that if you aren't registered however and need assistance during an emergency that the responsibility falls back on to the unit to take care of children during an emergency if the parent is unable to. I wanted to stand up in the middle of the meeting and shout, "NO! It is not the unit's responsibility to watch your children, it is the unit's responsibility to adequately prepare the Soldier's for their mission, it is the parent's responsiblity to take care of their OWN children!"
Over the last few years of FRG (family readiness group) volunteering, I have seen plenty of self-reliant, capable families. I have however, seen many of the opposite as well. The role of the FRG is to provide resources, information, and to serve as an organization to support and encourage self reliance and prepardeness. I honestly believe that is the point of every service the Army has created, to develop self reliant, self sufficient families so that while Soldiers are training or down range they don't have to worry about their families on the homefront. The premise is simple, if families are taken care of, service members can focus on the mission at hand. All of these well intended programs however, have consequently reduced the readiness of
some families and instead of creating self-sufficient, capable families they have created needy, helpless families that rely on the Army to take care of their EVERY need! Seriously, I hear countless stories of families EXPECTING the Army to take care of them and their families every need; from childcare to rides to spouses Doctor's appointments. What other job in the world would you expect your spouses employer to give you a ride to your Doctor's appointment? What job in the world would send personnel to somebody's house to watch their kids so they can do laundry? Some people actually expect that it is the Army's job to give them rides, watch their kids, fill out their paperwork and clean their houses. This crazy sense of entitlement and the Army's reluctance to say, "no" has created a segment of Army spouses that are no longer the strong empowered, self-reliant Army spouses that I have known to grow and love but rather the needy, helpless, Army spouse that gives reason for the continued usage of the term, "dependent."
I wrote the previous post several days ago and for some reason it didn't publish. After having an individual suggest that I was not compassionate because of my beliefs on this issue, I feel the need for an addendum to this post.....
On a personal note I have immense compassion for Army families that are going through difficult times or the young Army family that are 18 or 19 years old, just married with kids, who are trying to adjust to being an adult, being married and being a parent and simultaneously are tackling the crazy Army life. As an individual I LOVE to help out, mentor and engage with Army families that need guidance, love or support. My point is that, as an individual, a friend, a fellow Army spouse I am willing to do things for people that as an agent of the unit or FRG I feel goes WAY beyond any obligation the unit owes the family members. The Army and the unit have an obligation to the families to adequately train and prepare their loved ones for combat. They also have an obligation to provide accurate information to the families regarding training events, time away, days off, etc. The unit does NOT however, have an obligation to watch your children so you can do laundry, shop for groceries, clean your house or take a nap! Call me compassionless, I call it the truth!
